Saturday, April 14, 2012

More Things I've Learned- Two Month Edition

So Eisley's birthday is in two days!  (It's gotta be great being under one.  You get a birthday every month!  Wait- scratch that.  I would no longer want a reminder that I'm getting older every month.  Nope.)  To celebrate her first two months of life (and my first two months of mommy-hood) I bring you yet another list of the things I've learned being a new mom.

But first a picture of the cuteness.  Gotta have the cuteness.

Ok.  On to the list of things I've learned this month.

1.  Babies are unpredictable.  Some of you are hitting your head and thinking "duh" right now.  That's ok.  It's still true.  Just when you think your little bean has gotten into a good schedule and routine with things like sleep, and you finally think to yourself "hey!  this isn't so bad!" your baby will laugh in your face and completely change their routine.  You may cry.  After all your hormones are still going crazy, so no one will think any worse of you, but you may still feel a little pathetic.

2.  Even if you put your little girl in a hot pink outfit with hearts, butterflies, bows, and any other girly print you can think of, people will still ask you if your baby is a boy.  You will decide very quickly that when going out in public, your little princess will always be wearing a headband or bow.  You will also wonder why it seems like people don't use their eyes.  Or brains.  You will also blame your snarky-ness on lack of sleep.  Whatever makes you feel better.  

3.  You will realize right about now that all the desire you used to have to go out every few weeks and update your wardrobe has been transferred to your baby.  Now of course you want to look good too, but chances are you're still wearing your maternity jeans (it's ok.  Really.) so someone might as well have some awesome new outfits.  Might as well be your baby.

4.  Newborns are kind of boring.  There, I said it.  You know what I'm talking about, other new moms.  Judge all you want, non-mommies, you will understand soon enough.  They're cute, but kind of boring.

5.  If you used to be one of those people (like I was) that thought new parents were just being ridiculous, and exaggerating the state of things for staying home so much and making it seem like going out with baby is such a big deal and a huge hassle, you will feel like an idiot about it now.  You will almost contemplate calling all your friends who had kids before you and apologizing for your internal judgements.  You will realize that having a new born does, in all sincerity, make normal every-day errands and things you used to take for granted much more stressful and complicated.

6.  This is something my husband learned this morning the hard way.  You NEVER take your baby's diaper off too soon before putting them in the bathtub.  They will poop their runny breast-milk poop all over your leg, and your brand new pair of Toms.  Then they will smile at you.  Almost as if they did it on purpose and think it's funny.  It is funny, and you will laugh at your pooped-on husband.  

7.  Maternity leave is never long enough.  You can plan to go back after six weeks, or eight weeks, or whenever, but you will cry at the thought of leaving your little baby.  If you can afford it, you will probably call your boss up and tell them that you need more time.  Hopefully, if you're lucky, you will have an awesome boss who totally understands.  Even if you don't though, you shouldn't feel bad about this.  It just means you're a great mom.  

8.  When your baby starts to smile and coo at you, time will seem to stand still.  You will fall in love with your little one even more, even if you thought that it was impossible to be any more in love than you already were.  

9.  You will probably be one of those annoying moms who posts a million photos of your kid on facebook, even if you swore you wouldn't.  Yup.  Sorry people.  You know you like seeing photos of my kid.  She's pretty cute, after all.  =)  

10.  Pre-baby your idea of a heavenly and relaxing night was dinner out, a movie, maybe a pedicure...  post-baby all you want is to be able to take the occasional bath, and the ability to go to the bathroom without a swing and a baby sitting next to the toilet.  Showers and baths are much more relaxing when you don't have to try to entertain a screaming baby.  You will look back on the days of spontaneous dinner dates fondly, but ultimately you will decide that giving those up for your cute little screamer really isn't all that much of a sacrifice.  In fact, you'll probably realize really quickly that what you've gained far outweighs what you've temporarily lost.  

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