Right now, you are an adorable four months old little baby. You laugh and smile and light up my heart. You had a couple of weeks there where you weren't sleeping (it was brutal, but you are worth every sleepless night) but now you seem to be back on track. Looking at you napping in the swing is making me think. About how precious you are, how sweet, and silly, and full of personality, and how innocent you are right now. And it's got me thinking about what I hope for you as you grow, first into a sweet little toddler, a child, tween, and teenager. It's a sobering thing to think about, because it is such an awesome responsibility. And I do mean awesome as in awe-inspiring. As in, God has entrusted your little heart to your daddy and I, and I can't think of anything more wonderful and scary.
You are such a unique little girl. You already know what you like and what you don't, and you know how to tell us. You are so full of personality that it floors me. Your smiles take up your whole face, and they can instantly banish my tired and crabby moods. Oh, and crabby. You can be pretty crabby. But it's still so cute that it's hard not to laugh sometimes. You are so interested in everything that goes on around you right now, to the point that I'd worry you aren't getting enough to eat if you weren't 15 pounds and a chunky little monkey. You have to see everything. I can't believe how much you are growing and changing every week. How different you look compared to photos from just two months ago. I think you are ready to roll over, but you haven't yet because it would require you to ignore what is happening around you long enough to do it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you sat up on your own around the same time that you first really roll over all the way onto your tummy.
You are the love of our lives. Your daddy and I just can't get enough of you. And we will try our best to always do right by you. I promise that we will do our best to make sure you feel loved every minute of every day. That you never, EVER doubt that your parents love you unconditionally. We will help you become a confident little girl who knows that her parents support her in everything, and that you can do anything that you set your mind to. I promise that we will protect you and teach you what is right. To love God, to hear His voice. I promise that no matter what comes our way, you will always be our little girl, and we will nurture you. We will nurture your creativity, intelligence, curiosity, love, joy, and hope. I want you to grow up to be a young woman who isn't swayed by the mindless fads and unhealthy trends of your age. I want you to know who you are and stand firm in it.
I want you to know that I am not perfect. Far from it. And sometimes I am going to screw up, maybe big time. I may hurt your little heart with careless words or inattentiveness on occasions. And for those future offenses, I want to apologize in advance and tell you that being a mom is hard, and that is probably what I will be struggling with when I screw up. It won't be you. It won't be your fault. Sweet girl, you are so loved, and even when you mess up or are super naughty (you are your father's daughter, after all!) we will try to be patient and keep our cool.
My cute little chunky monkey, I want you to grow up and know that you are beautiful, smart, hilarious, full of light and goodness, and capable of so much greatness. But for now my wish for you is that you be healthy, curious, innocent for as long as possible, unaware of the cares of this world, and I want you to be able to be a kid. Just a sweet silly kid. I want you to look back at your childhood and see how loved you are every step of the way, feel supported, and have as few regrets as possible. I want you to be happy. I want what every mother wants for her baby.
I love you so much. You are such a beautiful blessing, and I thank God for you every day. I see His goodness in you, and I am blown away. You are so precious. I hope you know that, even now, at four months old.
xo,
your loving mommy
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