Now, I know sleep deprivation is one of the universal rites of passage of motherhood. A badge of honor, as it were, that lets other moms knowingly (and annoyingly) say to every pregnant woman they see "Enjoy your sleep now! You won't get any once that baby is born!" If you've ever wondered why these moms smile at you as they say that, I've decided that it's because misery loves company. And tired mamas have a lot of company.
I thought I had at least partially escaped this fate. Eisley would typically sleep between 5 to 7 hours the first part of the night by the time she was just a few weeks old. It could only get better from there, right!? Sure. Absolutely! Oh boy. So now, I've become the mom that reads books searching for the secrets of the universe. Surely in one of those books is the fool proof solution to my problems. We tried the "cry it out" method the other night out of desperation, and all I think it did was make her needy and emotional the next day. So I bought "the no-cry sleep solution" and I'm just praying that there is something in there to help me figure out how to break the awful habits we set in motion when it comes to getting our daughter to sleep. Oh please God let there be something in there that can help her sleep!
I know that this is just a season, and that she will have to start sleeping some day (she has to, right? I mean, this kid is only human...), but for now, I have to admit that I'm discouraged and exhausted. Nick tries to help me get some sleep at night, he tries to calm her down when she wakes up after only an hour of sleep, but she only wants to nurse. It's hard. It's totally and completely worth it, but it's really hard to be so exhausted, take care of my daughter, take care of myself, spend time with my husband, and work part time on top of it.
I love where my daughter is at right now. She's getting so funny, becoming more interactive, more aware, more full of personality. It makes it difficult to stay frustrated when she giggles or flashes me a ridiculously huge smile. She's the tiny love of my life, and I'm trying hard not wish that this period of her life would speed by so that I could get some sleep. I keep telling myself how amazing this time is, how quickly she's growing and learning, and how much she is changing.
I am trying to take each moment as it comes, nap when I can, and really enjoy each new stage of her life. Even if it means that sleep is a distant memory (for now, at least). Everyone says that this part goes by so quickly, and I know they're right. Four months has gone by, and it feels like only yesterday that we were bringing her home. So I'll just keep dying to myself little by little each day, and ask the Lord to help me love my daughter selflessly through anything.
She's worth it, after all.