I'm Putting This Food Baby Up For Adoption

Confession-  Last week my three year old niece asked if there was a baby in my tummy.  *hits head against a wall* I said "No, but Eisley was in there just a few months ago, and it takes a while for your tummy to go back to normal."  And then I told myself it was time to join a gym.

Ok, so I've struggled with my weight for pretty much as long as I can remember.  Not that I was fat though.  That happened within the last six or seven years.  I am a terrible stress/emotional eater.  Just ask my husband.  When E won't stop crying and I feel like I just can't take anymore, I shoot him a text that says "If you don't bring home a butterfinger blizzard for me when you get off work, I am going to kill myself."  No kidding, I really did text that this week.

I'm not overly dramatic or anything.

Seriously though, we had some really stressful situations in the first few years of our marriage, and actually for a couple of years even before that, and I think that I gained like 10 pounds a year for a few years there.  My husband just commented on an older photo of me on facebook last week, and it wasn't even that old, and all I could think about was 'Good God, I've gotten fat!'  Now, don't misread this post and think that this is me looking for a pity party, or some shallow attempt to garner compliments.  Ok, so what girl doesn't like compliments, but I swear that isn't it.

I've just been thinking about the kinds of things I want to teach my daughter.  The kind of things I want her to learn from me.  The lessons you teach them without even knowing it.  I'm talking about the things that they pick up by watching you, mimicking you, soaking in every word and action and deed that you do (and all the ones you wish you didn't.)

I don't want to teach my daughter to be a lazy, emotional-eating, never-exercising human being.  I don't want her to struggle with her body image, her weight, and I don't want her to have health issues.  I want her to grow up loving herself, her body, and I want her to make sure that her health is a priority.

But here's the kicker.  If I want E to grow up with all those good lessons imprinted on her little-girl heart, I'm going to have to change first.  *Cue dramatic music*

I'm not good at changing.  It usually involves a significant amount of kicking and screaming on my part.  Yup.  My daughter isn't the only pro at throwing tantrums around here.  She learned from the best.

I lost 30 pounds in four months before I got pregnant.  I know I can do it, even though it really isn't easy.  E was my motivation then just like she is now.  The thing is, and I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just calling it like it is, it was a lot easier to lose weight without a needy four month old in tow.  So this is going to require a radical life change.  No more sugar bingeing when I'm feeling stressed, no more crazy high-calorie snacks just because they are easy to grab.  I need to clean out the fridge and the pantry and just go for it.  No more refined sugars, waaaay less carbs.  Oh Lord, those are the things I love the most.

oi.

Have any of you ever tried the Paleo Diet?  That's what I'm thinking about trying.  You cut out almost all grains, refined sugars, and processed foods.  I guess it's basically that you "eat like a caveman."  Hence the name, Paleo Diet.  As in Paleolithic.  I'm interested.  I need to do a ton more research, but it seems like a good thing to try, I mean my body certainly doesn't need all of those refined sugars that I put in it.  So I may start posting some research and experiences on here.  I don't know how well I'll make the transition, or even if I'll really be able to do it completely, but it's worth a try.  I want to make a positive change for me,  but also for my daughter.  She doesn't deserve to deal with my issues because I couldn't.

Positive thoughts, because this is going to be a hard road.  Worth it, but hard.  Here we go!