A Tale of Two Mommies

the most demanding boss I've ever had!  ;)

Ugh.  I am having a bi-polar day.  I know a bunch of you are going to know what I'm talking about here.

I've always wanted to be able to be a stay at home mom.  I know there's something else out there that I am going to be super passionate about doing, but I just haven't found it yet.  I've tried a few things, and nothing has stuck.  Until E was born.  So needless to say, my crazy-hours retail job is not exactly a "career" that would make me want to miss the milestones in my daughter's life.  I mean, I deal with a fussy four month old all day at home.  I'll take that over a fussy customer any day.

Well almost any day.

Some days I just want to scream right along with my little tot.  Because some days, between the teething, fussing, nap-rebellions, and pulled hair (mine, not hers.  She's figured out she can grab it.  Oh happy day!), I just need a break.  It's days like that today that going to work starts to sound pretty darn good.  At least at work no one is going to spit up or poop on me.  Well, it hasn't happened yet, anyway.  I suppose there's always tomorrow.

The thing is, that while I'm at work, all I can think about is wanting to be at home.  I hate leaving my daughter, even for a short four hour shift.  It's awful.  I feel guilty, and sad that I'm missing what could potentially be that four hour span of time in which my daughter rolls all the way over for the first time.  It's one of those darned if you do darned if you don't type situations.

I know how whiny I sound right now, but it is what it is.  I really do wish that I could be a stay at home mom.  It's the only job I am passionate about right now.  It's incredibly difficult, and sometimes I want to throw a tantrum right along with E, but ultimately it's what I want to do.  The pay is better than anything I've come across.  I get paid in smiles, giggles, sqeals, and coos.  It's worth all of the frustration.

Sometimes I just wish there was such a thing as a mommy lunch break.