Sunday, August 5, 2012

A Heavy Heart

I'm not sure where this post is going to go.  I just feel like I have to write.  I have to put into words how I am feeling.  The trick is going to be how to be just vague enough.

This has been a really devastating week for some of our really good friends who just found out that they lost their baby.  It was news that I was incredibly grieved to hear.  I don't know how to comfort them because they are far away and I can't just drive over to their house and sit silently next to this beautiful woman of God and hug her or hold her hand or just be there with her.  All I can do is call and text and leave messages telling her and her husband how much Nick and I love them, how we are praying for them, how sorry... so sorry we are for their loss.

If I did not have a little girl to take care of, I would hop on a plane in a second if I thought I could be of any use at all to them.

I just keep asking God "Why?"  I think about my friends and try to imagine the loss they are grieving, but I can't.  It is outside of my realm of experience.  It is something that I (thankfully) have not had to suffer under.  The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing how much they love the Lord, and that they are finding comfort and strength in Him.  That they are finding a little peace in naming their sweet baby who was taken from them way too soon.  That they have some family close by that they can cry to and scream to.

So far I have not had an answer to my "Why?" and I suspect it is a question that I am not alone in asking.  I'm not sure that any of us will ever really get an answer to that particular question.  At least not one that would satisfy or soften the heartbreak that precedes the need to ask.  I just have to know that God is faithful, merciful, loving, and that He always comforts the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

So I will just keep praying for peace and healing and strength for my friends.  I will pray that God comforts them in this time, and draws them closer to one another, and closer to Him.  It is very likely that several times a day I will find myself wishing they were closer, wishing that I could be there in person as well as spirit for these two amazing friends of ours.  I'll probably keep asking "Why?" and try to think of something, anything that I could do to help them through this time.

If you read this my beautiful friend, I hope you feel how much I am with you in spirit, and imagine that I am giving you a giant hug right now.  I hope you know that I will always be here for you, even at 3 am if you just need to talk to someone and feel like you are going to explode.  I will listen, never judge, offer no advice, and not pretend to understand your loss, but I will be there for you in any way I can.

Life is just such a mystery sometimes.  A tragic, beautiful, heartbreaking mystery.


  1. oh God, that is just awful.
    This happened to my sister in law some 5 years ago or more. 24 hours after baby was born. There are no words. None.
    I struggled with this with God as well. Especially working in a field of lots of healthy and unplanned/unwanted babies, how is it that potentially loving/almost perfect parents suffer this?
    I found no answer. But prayer drew me closer to God. And hopefully brought comfort. And I wrote a song too to filter my thoughts/prayers.

    your friends are now in my thoughts and prayers as well.

  2. I think that is what really gets me. My friends will be amazing parents. It just doesn't seem right that all these unfit ones have kids so easily. =( I know it's not my place to decide who should and shouldn't be able to have babies, but I have to admit I am struggling with this.